we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
