If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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