Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
