My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
