you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
