How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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