Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize