went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
