I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
