Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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