you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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