You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
