Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
