I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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