My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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