Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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