Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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