I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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