I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
