I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
