I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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