It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
