I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
