You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
