I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
