I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
