wanna go halves on a baby?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush