we made out on top of his cat.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.