I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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