New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
