So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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