Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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