do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
