he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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