If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
