I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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