she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize