Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
