sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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