As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
