Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In other news, I just burned my penis
He keeps bees of course he's weird
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
