This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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