Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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