I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
