There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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