So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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