i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
