Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize