R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
