Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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