Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
