i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
