Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
