remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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