508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
