You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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