"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
