why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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