everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
