Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your penis caused this!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
