I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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