im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
