Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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